Disclaimer: I am a middle-aged middle-class cishet white British male from rural working-class origins. I took the Harvard implicit racism test and it turns out I do have some level of implicit racism. As do pretty much all white people. And also Black people, though that is less well-known. You would have thought that being married to a wonderful (hey, she has to be, she puts up with me!) Black woman for over forty years, with two great grown-up biracial kids, would have knocked it out of me, but that's the thing with implicit prejudice, you don't know you have it and usually would deny it. So take what I write here in that context.
The people who started to use "Black Lives Matter" were smart. They know that slogans need to be short and snappy, so even "Black Lives Matter Too" would be too long, let alone "Black Lives Matter as much as White Lives". Unfortunately, people choose to ignore what the slogan is really saying. Also, unfortunately, some people do not believe Black Lives Matter, but (IMO) the slogan isn't aimed at them as they won't change anyway, it is aimed at people who enable them.
I see colour. Denying this is denying reality. Moreover, I see shades within colour. My two kids have very different skin tones. My wife is from Africa and I can often (not always) tell from which tribe (I know some people see this term as racist but it is what is generally used in her country) people from her country come, based on their appearance. Though I am nowhere as good as she is at this as I wasn't brought up with this being a factor. I can also make a pretty good guess at the region in Europe where a white European comes from.
I would never use "My wife is Black" as proof I am not racist. Love is colour-blind, even if people are not. See also the first paragraph.
The "You're so well-spoken" line isn't much of an issue here in the UK. Almost all the Black people I know are well-educated in high-powered jobs so it's expected. I count government ministers among my in-laws, which is something I can't say for my side of the family. If you listen to young British people talk today, it's impossible to tell their ethnic background as they all have accents based on where they live not their family background.
What does this all mean? I'm honestly not sure. I'm certainly not trying to excuse white racism, these are just my personal experiences and thoughts. Make of them what you will.